You have reached the point when your parenting has turned into a battlefield full of tears, sore throats, blood pressure and headaches. A battle, which, in fact, has no winners. Among many popular parenting approaches, positive parenting argues for positive methods of disciplining – without yelling, threats, or punishments. In this article, you will find seven positive parenting tips for a peaceful and collaborative connection between you and your children.
Traditionally, disciplining has been about revoking certain favorite privileges in case of misbehavior. Haven’t finished your dinner? No tablet for the evening. Unlike this approach, positive parenting argues that feeling of threat or deprivation hinders any learning process. While your child, afraid of punishment, may comply with your demands, he or she will not grasp what is right and what is wrong with own behavior. Instead, positive parenting solutions will help turn your parenting into a learning process and improve your child’s behavior without negative disciplining methods.
- Spend quality time with your kid every day
Kids are genetically determined to seek parents’ attention. Bonding, communication, and exchange of positive emotions will reduce their motivation to seek out your attention through negative behavioral patterns. Try spending at least 15 minutes every day individually with each child, and you will see its positive results soon.
Make sleep and routine important
Kids thrive on a routine. Well-set routines for the key periods of the days will help them make their day more productive and predictable. Let your kid have a say in decisions on how those routines will go – wash the face first, brush the teeth second, etc.
Sleeping is also important. Lack of sleep and rest affect our mood, and we become irritated when overtired. It is the same with the kids. A well-rested kid usually behaves and functions much better than the sleep-deprived one, so when you plan your child’s daily routine, ensure that he or she has a good sleeping routine and time.
Let your kids have small family responsibilities
Replace the concept of “chores” with family “contributions” or responsibilities, and assign some of them to your kids, taking into account their age and abilities. Let your kids understand that those contributions are important for creating a happier home.
Redirect instead of disciplining
We tend to think that overlooking a certain behavior will help it to pass, but usually, it doesn’t. Give positive attention to the behavior you like and accept, and don’t give it to the one you don’t. Sometimes kids act up to attract our attention, and if they don’t get it, they may switch to something else and not repeat it in the future. Your child whines and throws tantrums? Read our article on temper tantrums for some good tips on how to handle them.
Too many noes may eventually depreciate the word. Therefore, as a positive parenting technique, offer a pattern of positive behavior to replace the misbehavior. For instance, if your child acts up in a shopping mall, try to convince him to help you by rearranging the items in the shopping cart.
Take a positive approach in managing relations between siblings
What you really need to avoid is taking your referee whistle, stepping in the middle of the disagreement, and trying to sort out who is guilty. Since kids tend to see winners and losers in outcomes of their conflicts, taking sides will escalate their rivalry and cause further disagreements. If there is no way you can avoid getting involved, just calm them down and facilitate a discussion to find a win-win solution that all sides agree with.
Simplify family rules, but be firm about them
If you have 30 family rules or so, it is the right time to sit down and shorten the list. Set a clear consequence (not punishment!) for breaking each rule, communicate both the rules and consequences with the kids, and be firm about following them. Many parents use the method of giving a “time out” to their kids when they break a rule, but this approach is neither efficient nor corrects a misbehavior. It simply does not teach kids how to make better choices.
Be the right role model for your child”
Yelling leads to yelling, aggression leads to aggression. Be the example you want your kids to see. Be happy and smile more. Try controlling your emotions and staying calm in front of your children. Take a deep breath and count to ten, or simply walk away, until you come up with a better solution.
What is positive parenting for you? Have you succeeded in constructing a good role model for your child? If yes, share us with us your positive parenting tips.